Starting something new: How to support yourself when nobody else does

Lets assume you want to start a new or want to advance your education..whatever you fancy, how many of us in this day and age will be brave to continue without any support at all? We have been led to believe in numbers, so the more people give us the push the more successful we feel we will be. The numbers have no role to play in the success, but generally this is how the mind works. However,  lets look at a scenario were one has a dream to start whatever they desire but they lack in numbers,how does that person program the mind to work without any support. Having been there and still doing it, here are some of the principles I have applied.

  • Realise its all about you

When no one is there to scratch your back and give you that push, just think back to when you had the first thought of doing that what you are trying to do, probably no one was there at the time but that didn’t stop the thought, so why the hack stop because no one believes in your dream.  And more so do make a realisation that if all has been said and done, and you have reached the end, you have the benefits of enjoying the fruits of your labour all by yourself,… sounds good right.

  • Not everyone understands your dream

I have learnt that people tend to support something they know, something that has been done before, the most common things. Let us look at an example, a child growing up in a family of nurses and doctors is bound to get support if they say they want to be a nurse or doctor, ..but what if they suggest that they would rather be a comedian,…uh now the mood in the room changes, basically that child will not get much support for that surely. Then that child grows  to be a nurse ( a miserable one for that matter) because they have been pushed into it. So instead of being angry and resentful towards people ( this is the first feeling we get), realise that no one around you has a clue of that what you want to do. I would suggest you teach them a thing or two about your dream.. right

  • Understand that the support people give is based their capabilities, no yours

Oh yes this is it, very common. Ever had someone come to you and say “I cant do this,so I don’t think you can either”. Ever wanted to go for a certain degree and you have family suggest something else which they feel they can do. Society does not realise that we all have a destiny and its unique to each and every one of us. Life gets easy if you know what your destiny is, and the only way of knowing is through listening to your gut feeling, tapping into your higher self and pushing for what you are by your inner self, and not going with the masses.

  • Love yourself…believe in yourself

This goes without saying.. loving yourself is all about doing whats’ best for you, putting yourself ahead, having a stubborn mind when it comes to your dreams. With enough self-love, no one can push you off the wagon. Once you have learnt to love yourself you then can believe in your own powers, you can be your own magician, then you won’t need that support after all.

  • Give yourself a little credit

Some of us are so good at bullying ourselves, unless and until we have a friend coming to congratulate our effort we will keep talking ourselves down. If no one is supporting that dream it’s even more important to pat yourself at the back once in a while. Congratulate yourself for doing it alone when others are getting all the help they need. Again, understand that we live in a competitive world so if you are doing well on your dream which no one believes in, most probably very few (if not none) are happy with you progress, so remember to credit yourself as you put in the work.

  • Remember, failing is when you don’t try

The fear of failing is what sets some of us back. The mind is afraid of failure, most cases we are afraid of what people will say. But to me failure is when I give up or don’t try at all, remember the primary school song” try try try again, if at first you don’t succeed keep trying). Its only when we walk away from our dreams that’s when they die, and that’s when we fail, but surely if we keep at it the universe is bound to bless us for our patience and hard work.

 Therefore, bottom line is never give up because you have no one in your corner, the training you get while walking alone will last you a lifetime.

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How to deal with bad days causing extra emotional baggage that’s weighing you down

From time to time life has a tendency of throwing fire balls at each and every one of us, and I am sure we can all relate. From loosing keys, …a tire puncture…to failing an exam to loosing a job. What starts  off as a small minor problem ends up in our spirit crushing us down and whats worse is we can’t wake up from this trauma. Being a human being like all I can honestly say I have had such problematic days and still do. But what have I learnt about these fire balls and even more important, how do I stop them from clouding my emotional state. Lets dive in.

1.When bad things happen learn to take the punch

The human mind is always in resistance, always going against gravity, most of us never want to accept a situation, is what we are all about. I was too, until the universe kicked my butt and I woke up. Only to realise that at times there is no need to fight, just take the punch. I have mastered the fact that everything in the universe happens for a reason, for us to move from one position into the other there is need for one gate to close, that automatically pushes us into a position of working towards a new gate. So when things we consider as “bad” happen, they may not be bad after all, it’s just a sign for even better things to come.

And more so I find that if I accept a situation, my mind quickly gets over it, there for does not create baggage in my emotional and spiritual self.

2. Take a break

Here is a situation, assuming you have been working on a business and for a while things have been fantastic, then for some reason one day you wake up and.. Oh my word your business has lost huge money. Now.. the first course of action for a human will be to get back on the horse immediately and fight hard to recover the loses. But wait…. how is the state of mind at this point, you are obviously still disheartened  and are bound to make dangerous moves. so I learnt that when things fall apart, its wise to give yourself a break. This does not mean giving up and walking away, but it just means you are recalibrating. Focusing on less demanding things such as our hobbies allows our mind to generate  new ideas and solutions to the more important everyday problems. Walking does it for me (and off course sleeping).

3.Enjoy the journey

Lets’ be honest, most of us tend to focus on the destination ignoring everything else and we even get impatient,  but let me say this..the destination does not have much to teach us, the lessons are in the journey, the valleys we cross, the mountains we climb, what makes us strong is not the destination but the journey. As we endure the challenges of what we want to accomplish…right there lays our growth. As much as it sounds unreal, try enjoying the bad days or negative moments of the journey and the more we enjoy those the lesser of a negative impact they will have on our emotional and spiritual elements.

4. Stay focused

As much as I said earlier on that we should take a break, here I am encouraging you to stay focused. Being focused is all about not letting the dream die because one has hit a plateau or challenge. How many of us have started a project, only to give up and walk away from it because we have hit a hump, but then after a while we regret and we become emotional after noticing that we have let ourselves down. Focusing on what we desire means we are living our true purpose, and that is good for our mental well-being, knowing that we are not being held against our will.

5 When bad days hit…seek help (know your buddies)

Sounds too obvious right, but here is a point to emphasise on. Show by hands, how many of us have gone about telling people our problems, and only to find that those people can not help but they have gone about gossiping about our problems. Having wrong people know about our challenges does not make anyone feel good about themselves, so here is the trick… always remember who is on your side…talk to people who have something positive to say and more so want the best for you and are ready to give their all for a greater you.

6.Just express the feelings

Society expects us to be all happy and smiley all the time to the point that we have just been programmed to behave like we are fine even though NOTHING is working. Being in denial of our feelings can be detrimental to our emotional health. Not so long ago I had a habit of masking my emotions and it was emotionally draining, I was always this person who is smiling and OK with everything even when nothing was working for me. But having undergone a wake up period I have learnt to shout and scream if I need to, I express exactly how I feel on the inside. Masking our feelings and pretending like all is good can create blockages within our chakra system, and leads to depression. So let it out, curse if you feel like, that does not make you a bad person.

So there you have it, these are the new ways I cope with life’ twists and turns,ensuring I keep my mind and spirit in check. It’s never easy but I find it works.




True story: 7 self sabotaging habits I carried on with and never realised were ruining me until now:

1.Thinking and treating myself like a nobody

Oh yeah I was that person, always looking at the person next to me and thinking if only I could be them, because they look so grounded and altogether. And I was again that person.. offering to do the most awkward things that NOBODY.. and I mean NOBODY ELSE wants to do. I remember going to a relatives’ party and being the only person cooking for the party while everyone else is getting all glamoured up.. and guess what… nobody took notice  of  my effort in the kitchen, and nobody helped either. I had to master the fact that I am the one responsible for how I treat myself, society has no respect for someone who is putting in the work for them.. I have learnt that people only return what we give out, so in brief if I respect and value myself then people will value me.

2.Being afraid all the time

Ever been this person that’s just afraid and scared of people, places and things?, ever been afraid of even breathing because there is a certain person standing next to you and somehow you get that felling of maybe your breathing may annoy them… then you just stand there hoping they go away, (hands up), yes this used to be me, being ruled by fear.

3.Worrying all the time

That too I was, always worrying about what would and wouldn’t happen, biting my nails and tapping my feet,  untill I made a realisation that where there is fear, all you need to do is look in the corner, and guess what.. there is the best friend called worry. These two are buddies, they worked together to steal my joy. Off course we all need to worry at some point, that’s what makes us humans, but boy most of us do too much of it. Worry does not alter anything but only sucks one’s energy out. My top worry was always what other people think of me, always getting in their minds and scooping out their comments.. most of the comments were anti me but still I believe them. And then guess what happens after all that, yea I start worrying

4. Thinking if I give it my all he will love me more

Ladies ladies … (and some gents too), this is a classic. Ever been in a relationship and you work your butt off  for years, I mean from  cooking to  cleaning to giving out money… only to find out you are nothing to them but a bank and a maid. I know most of us have been there . Society tells us that a good woman ( speaking as a woman) is a supportive woman, and so we keep giving and giving until our hair falls off ( and that we give out too)… but what are we getting in return? Does that which we get measure up to our giving? Do we even get the recognition and appreciation for it? Ladies… I learnt that if a man is authentic in loving you, they do not need you to work for them, your money will end in your bank account not theirs. A proud man does not need to feed from a woman. So yes that was my sabotaging mentality, thinking if I am giving my all I will be a good woman to him, be appreciated, be loved. No sir that didn’t happen, and so resentment came along, and she aint a good friend.

5. Being a dumping ground for other people’s problems

This may sound crazy and hard to believe for some but not all, but yes I was once that person, always ready to listen to other people’s issues, feeling their pain and putting myself in their shoes. Always ready to extend a hand because I believe every problem they tell me. As much as this may all sound kind and human,  I had to learn lesson 1 (..wait for it) that not every one coming to me with a problem has a real problem (uups), some folks like the attention. Lets face it, some people are good at just “ranting”. We all know of a friend, relative or colleague that never stops talking about their issues, no matter how much time they get to talk they never seem to put the FULL STOP. It don matter if they get help with one problem today, there is another one lagging in the corner and off course you will help them with that one too..and the next..and the next, untill infinite.

While it’s all good to listen and help, problem is too much of it can be draining, it’s like waking up to bad news everyday. I had to learn using ear plugs at some point, just so I can focus on my own problems for once.

6. Thinking everyone else is in control (and I am not)

Thought is energy, and thoughts vibrate and control our behavour. What we think about ourselves so we become. There was a time when my thoughts were self-limiting and sabotaging. I would look at everyone around me and think goosh they all seem to know what they are doing. Every one is walking around with their chin up, chest up..and me ..well I can barely stand.. feeling like I don’t belong. Now, here is a discovery…. nobody really knows what they are up to.. the people who may seem to know it all actually don’t. Everyone is simply trying to figure it out, even Donald Trump ( surely that should make one feel good about themeselves right?)

Now then one may ask.. so why do some people seem confident.. well my friend its simple, because they think themselves positive, good, all that, then the body just follows by giving positive confident signals ( hope that helps). And so once I began to embrace that one fact  I was good to go.

7. A disease known as procrastination

Been there.. done that and been hospitalised with it.. and guess what I still suffer from it time to time , but yes this was me. I remember during my University days …putting coursework off to the last-minute, simply because  I couldn’t be bothered  putting in the effort at the time..  behaving like it will be any easy tomorrow or the day after but it never is. The ” I will do it later” syndrome does ruin lives. And so yes,  l have missed a few appointments and  lifetime opportunities ..they don’t tend to wait for anyone by the way. But, lessons learnt,  I now keep the syndrome in check.


Tried and tested: A few good habits that stopped my self-distraction journey:

For years I have lived a life which I felt I had zero control over, friends had ideas and expectations of who I should be, family had their own desires of what I should do with my life. Society said a woman should get married and have children or else they lose the value of being a woman ( I wonder who set the rules). Does it sound familiar?? hope so. Now obviously if you are like me and you care about people in your life you will work hard to satisfy them. But at what cost (that’s the paramount question). Let me answer that before you do, obviously at the cost of your own wishes, dreams, desires and aspirations. So how did I overcome this hurdle, here is how:

1.Self love

Just not so long ago I thought self-love was only about preserving my looks ( no laughing matter), I thought it was all about looking good on a physical level. Well.. not 100% true.. and here is why. Most people who fight hard to look good on the outside do it from a point of seeking approval from society, however lets face it, society is just a difficult company because it’s just impossible to get approval  from them. I really wonder how many applications one needs to put in to get a green light.

Only now have I learnt that self-love is all about the inside, accepting myself from the inside out before I can seek acceptance from other people. Enjoying who I am, going on a journey to find my flaws and embracing them. The moment I developed self love I started putting myself first, before making a decision I now ask myself if the decision is helping me or destroying me, if I am happy to carry out a favour or not, if I am being authentic to myself or self cheating.

2. Stopped caring so much (learnt to be selfish)

Now this one is a challenge to some but stay with me. As human beings we are taught that we should care how we look, how we eat ( think about a restaurant setting, people struggle to chew a certain way that they are happy with because they are other people around.. yes classic example). We are taught to care about our grades in school, clothes we wear, people we hang around with.. But why? So as to please certain people (again its all about people). And so after all observations I decided to switch off my care button, which is hard to do because this meant I was also hitting the button on my family and friends. I learnt not to care who wants me to do what, if it doesn’t make me happy then sorry it’s not happening. By doing so I  was able to follow my dreams, off course I lost some friends along the way but still have my family tho ( they have no choice).

3.Stopped seeking perfection

Yes perfection is good.. but perfection is a killer. Millions of people worldwide are seeking to be perfect, perfect body, perfect face, perfect grades. I was one of the million seekers of perfection saying to myself I should be on point with everything. What happens if the perfection goal can not be met, but then again what is perfection (depends on who is judging). I underwent multiple depression episodes because I could not reach the perfect goal, until I learn to let go , appreciate my effort and accept things that are beyond my reach. This way I started freeing me from myself and other people, my favourite saying nowadays is”it is what it is”, this is a life saver for me.

4. I let go off some thing or two

Ok folks lets address the difficult  issue of  letting go..I mean forgiveness..letting go off grudges.. letting go off relationships that you are not happy with. Story time.. for 6 years I was in a relationship which I knew was going nowhere soon, lots of disagreements.. fights back and forth. Now.. I knew this was toxic but I held on hoping things will change, but I had to go through a spiritual awakening and that’s when I learnt that its unfair for me to expect a change when a situation involves two people who have different likes and preferences. Long story short I had to face the reality of letting go, accepting the fact that he ain’t a bad person neither am I, but we are just different beings. I never realised how much the arguments were wearing me down to the ground until we made the walk in different directions, had some meditation time and bit by bit my soul lifted.. that was a good feeling and still is.

So to sum up this point.. you never know what letting go can do to you until try letting go, have the strength let go off friends that don’t have your best interest at heart.. friends that just want to compete all the time.. let go off places and things that don’t promote your mental and spiritual well-being( I did and its goooood) .. things that don’t leave you with inner peace.. because that’s the most important thing than even money. Money can buy us material things… fair enough but nothing can buy us inner peace than us making it our number one priority.. finding it inside through eliminating agents that cause chaos and trauma inside us. Hope that makes sense.

5.Stopped watching news

This may sound insane but wait I will explain. I used to be that person obsessed with news, always wanting to know whats happening around the world  (sounds good so far.. I mean what’s bad with being in the know).. so you may think, now here is the  problem with our news, most of it is negative. It’s all about prices going up,.. money cuts here and there, jobs being lost.. I mean all the bad news that an adult person doesn’t want to hear. Now here is the issue with bad news especially, it stays in our subconscious the whole day, again pulling us down without even our knowledge. Second problem is most of us watch news soon as we wake up  but we don’t realise how powerful out subconscious is at absorbing information at that time..and that information sets the tone for the day ( in a very negative way that is), and so we walk around all angry and upset but we have no clue why. Hence why I stopped watching news (still here tho.. a better version of me right).

6. Stopped believing everything I hear

Yes the old me used to believe in everything, I would buy any story I am being sold and the price wouldn’t matter, I was so easy to convince and fool at the same time, because I believed everyone was genuine, until my awakening and I discovered the truth is miles away. I question everything now, from the so-called news ..(which people talk about considering I don’t watch news).. to religion.. why we do what we do.. and who in fact said we should to that.. to even myself, why I do what I do, feel more in control of my life now.

I find it important to question things because then we find a meaning behind what we do, what we are being told, .. and if it doesn’t make sense or we can’t find a meaning then let it go. In most cases we are just being sold things that don’t exist and most probably those things get to affect our emotional state, getting us to walk around tired and sad. So that’s why I no longer believe the hype.

There you have, a few changes that are freeing me from society and actually helping m find and live my purpose, I am waking up satisfied knowing what I am doing is my  choice and I am in charge of my inner feeling.