Since my early teenage dating years and even into adulthood I always had expectations… of what gifts I am supposed to be getting… of what one needs to do if they love me, and it always had to be exactly on point. From the moment I meet someone and I decide I like them, automatically my expectations skyrocket. My old mindset was that just because someone confesses their love towards me then it means they are perfect and are willing to do all it takes.I always thought that if a guy is going out with me then he wants commitment….(well… wrong).
Now.. here is a fact when it comes to expectations… they suck. Simple fact, things never go the way we expect, especially in relationships, and here is why. In a relationship they are two beings involved, and both of these beings think differently, until and unless both parties have the same desires and expectations, one person’s expectations are just mere expectations with no real outcome. And moreover I had to learn that we can never make one meet up with our expectations if they don’t have the desire, no matter how much we may expect.
We have all heard of the saying relationships are hard work, its true. But the question is.. what kind of hard work is one putting in and under what circumstances. Because energy put in towards the same goal to archive the same result does not go to waste, it is bound to bring results benefiting both parties. However I used to work hard for relationships which I clearly could see were not leading anywhere, and more so I was the only hardworking party, the other person ain’t that bothered. Eventually I was drained, tired of putting in the work for no recognition, that’s when I discovered that if the relationship is authentic then both people have to work at it.
3.Failure to love myself (and expecting love from outside)
I wish we had some lessons in school regarding relationships, because most of us tend to forget about ourselves the moment we meet the other half. ( or maybe its just me). I had a tendency to work hard in satisfying the other person while ignoring my happiness and things that make me smile. I am talking about money sacrifices, time sacrifices, always available and willing to help. All may sound good but it all downed on me after waking up with depression and was drained because all I have been doing was give (and not receiving anything)
I had to learn that being loved starts with giving love to myself, no one knows what I truly love excerpt myself, nobody out there knows what I want, and neither do I know what the other wants. So as much as I still give myself to others, I no longer choke myself or feel obliged to full-fill a request. Because in essence the love we receive from others is generally based on how we treat and love ourselves. and self love or self appreciation is the gateway to being loved, respected and valued.
4. Ignoring my intuition
We all have an intuition within us, male or female. That intuition is there as a support system, suggesting when to make a move or telling you what is happening, or will happen . Our intuition is part of our higher self, it knows everything. Just like most people, I used to ignore my intuition, that inner voice keeps talking but because as a person I have certain expectations and dreams regarding a relationship, I would get so blinded by “love” to an extent that even when the inner self is pointing the obvious it just doesn’t get any attention. I used to argue with my intuition, I used to think it was my overactive mind being negative again.
And because of ignoring my intuition over my desire I would hold on to a toxic relationship, work hard on making the other happy, but one day it all comes crushing down. So now my intuition is my best friend, I always go by the inner voice and since realising how precise it is I never question it.
5.I forgot to have fun
Yes, I was always working hard to be a perfect woman… girlfriend… support system. I was looking to prove myself that I am wife material. This is all good if you are getting the appreciation, but in my case I wasn’t. And wasn’t having much fun either, I got so focused to pushing the relationship further, forgetting the simple fact that success in a relationship takes two people. I was not doing the things I love doing, and that was silly and exhausting. Everyone needs time for themselves, to just rewind and reflect and catch up with their favourite hobby/friends/movie etc.
There you have it, these are the 5 things I did in relationships and wasn’t awake enough to know they were not of good service to me.