True story: 7 self sabotaging habits I carried on with and never realised were ruining me until now:

1.Thinking and treating myself like a nobody

Oh yeah I was that person, always looking at the person next to me and thinking if only I could be them, because they look so grounded and altogether. And I was again that person.. offering to do the most awkward things that NOBODY.. and I mean NOBODY ELSE wants to do. I remember going to a relatives’ party and being the only person cooking for the party while everyone else is getting all glamoured up.. and guess what… nobody took notice  of  my effort in the kitchen, and nobody helped either. I had to master the fact that I am the one responsible for how I treat myself, society has no respect for someone who is putting in the work for them.. I have learnt that people only return what we give out, so in brief if I respect and value myself then people will value me.

2.Being afraid all the time

Ever been this person that’s just afraid and scared of people, places and things?, ever been afraid of even breathing because there is a certain person standing next to you and somehow you get that felling of maybe your breathing may annoy them… then you just stand there hoping they go away, (hands up), yes this used to be me, being ruled by fear.

3.Worrying all the time

That too I was, always worrying about what would and wouldn’t happen, biting my nails and tapping my feet,  untill I made a realisation that where there is fear, all you need to do is look in the corner, and guess what.. there is the best friend called worry. These two are buddies, they worked together to steal my joy. Off course we all need to worry at some point, that’s what makes us humans, but boy most of us do too much of it. Worry does not alter anything but only sucks one’s energy out. My top worry was always what other people think of me, always getting in their minds and scooping out their comments.. most of the comments were anti me but still I believe them. And then guess what happens after all that, yea I start worrying

4. Thinking if I give it my all he will love me more

Ladies ladies … (and some gents too), this is a classic. Ever been in a relationship and you work your butt off  for years, I mean from  cooking to  cleaning to giving out money… only to find out you are nothing to them but a bank and a maid. I know most of us have been there . Society tells us that a good woman ( speaking as a woman) is a supportive woman, and so we keep giving and giving until our hair falls off ( and that we give out too)… but what are we getting in return? Does that which we get measure up to our giving? Do we even get the recognition and appreciation for it? Ladies… I learnt that if a man is authentic in loving you, they do not need you to work for them, your money will end in your bank account not theirs. A proud man does not need to feed from a woman. So yes that was my sabotaging mentality, thinking if I am giving my all I will be a good woman to him, be appreciated, be loved. No sir that didn’t happen, and so resentment came along, and she aint a good friend.

5. Being a dumping ground for other people’s problems

This may sound crazy and hard to believe for some but not all, but yes I was once that person, always ready to listen to other people’s issues, feeling their pain and putting myself in their shoes. Always ready to extend a hand because I believe every problem they tell me. As much as this may all sound kind and human,  I had to learn lesson 1 (..wait for it) that not every one coming to me with a problem has a real problem (uups), some folks like the attention. Lets face it, some people are good at just “ranting”. We all know of a friend, relative or colleague that never stops talking about their issues, no matter how much time they get to talk they never seem to put the FULL STOP. It don matter if they get help with one problem today, there is another one lagging in the corner and off course you will help them with that one too..and the next..and the next, untill infinite.

While it’s all good to listen and help, problem is too much of it can be draining, it’s like waking up to bad news everyday. I had to learn using ear plugs at some point, just so I can focus on my own problems for once.

6. Thinking everyone else is in control (and I am not)

Thought is energy, and thoughts vibrate and control our behavour. What we think about ourselves so we become. There was a time when my thoughts were self-limiting and sabotaging. I would look at everyone around me and think goosh they all seem to know what they are doing. Every one is walking around with their chin up, chest up..and me ..well I can barely stand.. feeling like I don’t belong. Now, here is a discovery…. nobody really knows what they are up to.. the people who may seem to know it all actually don’t. Everyone is simply trying to figure it out, even Donald Trump ( surely that should make one feel good about themeselves right?)

Now then one may ask.. so why do some people seem confident.. well my friend its simple, because they think themselves positive, good, all that, then the body just follows by giving positive confident signals ( hope that helps). And so once I began to embrace that one fact  I was good to go.

7. A disease known as procrastination

Been there.. done that and been hospitalised with it.. and guess what I still suffer from it time to time , but yes this was me. I remember during my University days …putting coursework off to the last-minute, simply because  I couldn’t be bothered  putting in the effort at the time..  behaving like it will be any easy tomorrow or the day after but it never is. The ” I will do it later” syndrome does ruin lives. And so yes,  l have missed a few appointments and  lifetime opportunities ..they don’t tend to wait for anyone by the way. But, lessons learnt,  I now keep the syndrome in check.

 

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