For years I have lived a life which I felt I had zero control over, friends had ideas and expectations of who I should be, family had their own desires of what I should do with my life. Society said a woman should get married and have children or else they lose the value of being a woman ( I wonder who set the rules). Does it sound familiar?? hope so. Now obviously if you are like me and you care about people in your life you will work hard to satisfy them. But at what cost (that’s the paramount question). Let me answer that before you do, obviously at the cost of your own wishes, dreams, desires and aspirations. So how did I overcome this hurdle, here is how:
Just not so long ago I thought self-love was only about preserving my looks ( no laughing matter), I thought it was all about looking good on a physical level. Well.. not 100% true.. and here is why. Most people who fight hard to look good on the outside do it from a point of seeking approval from society, however lets face it, society is just a difficult company because it’s just impossible to get approval from them. I really wonder how many applications one needs to put in to get a green light.
Only now have I learnt that self-love is all about the inside, accepting myself from the inside out before I can seek acceptance from other people. Enjoying who I am, going on a journey to find my flaws and embracing them. The moment I developed self love I started putting myself first, before making a decision I now ask myself if the decision is helping me or destroying me, if I am happy to carry out a favour or not, if I am being authentic to myself or self cheating.
2. Stopped caring so much (learnt to be selfish)
Now this one is a challenge to some but stay with me. As human beings we are taught that we should care how we look, how we eat ( think about a restaurant setting, people struggle to chew a certain way that they are happy with because they are other people around.. yes classic example). We are taught to care about our grades in school, clothes we wear, people we hang around with.. But why? So as to please certain people (again its all about people). And so after all observations I decided to switch off my care button, which is hard to do because this meant I was also hitting the button on my family and friends. I learnt not to care who wants me to do what, if it doesn’t make me happy then sorry it’s not happening. By doing so I was able to follow my dreams, off course I lost some friends along the way but still have my family tho ( they have no choice).
3.Stopped seeking perfection
Yes perfection is good.. but perfection is a killer. Millions of people worldwide are seeking to be perfect, perfect body, perfect face, perfect grades. I was one of the million seekers of perfection saying to myself I should be on point with everything. What happens if the perfection goal can not be met, but then again what is perfection (depends on who is judging). I underwent multiple depression episodes because I could not reach the perfect goal, until I learn to let go , appreciate my effort and accept things that are beyond my reach. This way I started freeing me from myself and other people, my favourite saying nowadays is”it is what it is”, this is a life saver for me.
4. I let go off some thing or two
Ok folks lets address the difficult issue of letting go..I mean forgiveness..letting go off grudges.. letting go off relationships that you are not happy with. Story time.. for 6 years I was in a relationship which I knew was going nowhere soon, lots of disagreements.. fights back and forth. Now.. I knew this was toxic but I held on hoping things will change, but I had to go through a spiritual awakening and that’s when I learnt that its unfair for me to expect a change when a situation involves two people who have different likes and preferences. Long story short I had to face the reality of letting go, accepting the fact that he ain’t a bad person neither am I, but we are just different beings. I never realised how much the arguments were wearing me down to the ground until we made the walk in different directions, had some meditation time and bit by bit my soul lifted.. that was a good feeling and still is.
So to sum up this point.. you never know what letting go can do to you until try letting go, have the strength let go off friends that don’t have your best interest at heart.. friends that just want to compete all the time.. let go off places and things that don’t promote your mental and spiritual well-being( I did and its goooood) .. things that don’t leave you with inner peace.. because that’s the most important thing than even money. Money can buy us material things… fair enough but nothing can buy us inner peace than us making it our number one priority.. finding it inside through eliminating agents that cause chaos and trauma inside us. Hope that makes sense.
5.Stopped watching news
This may sound insane but wait I will explain. I used to be that person obsessed with news, always wanting to know whats happening around the world (sounds good so far.. I mean what’s bad with being in the know).. so you may think, now here is the problem with our news, most of it is negative. It’s all about prices going up,.. money cuts here and there, jobs being lost.. I mean all the bad news that an adult person doesn’t want to hear. Now here is the issue with bad news especially, it stays in our subconscious the whole day, again pulling us down without even our knowledge. Second problem is most of us watch news soon as we wake up but we don’t realise how powerful out subconscious is at absorbing information at that time..and that information sets the tone for the day ( in a very negative way that is), and so we walk around all angry and upset but we have no clue why. Hence why I stopped watching news (still here tho.. a better version of me right).
6. Stopped believing everything I hear
Yes the old me used to believe in everything, I would buy any story I am being sold and the price wouldn’t matter, I was so easy to convince and fool at the same time, because I believed everyone was genuine, until my awakening and I discovered the truth is miles away. I question everything now, from the so-called news ..(which people talk about considering I don’t watch news).. to religion.. why we do what we do.. and who in fact said we should to that.. to even myself, why I do what I do, feel more in control of my life now.
I find it important to question things because then we find a meaning behind what we do, what we are being told, .. and if it doesn’t make sense or we can’t find a meaning then let it go. In most cases we are just being sold things that don’t exist and most probably those things get to affect our emotional state, getting us to walk around tired and sad. So that’s why I no longer believe the hype.
There you have, a few changes that are freeing me from society and actually helping m find and live my purpose, I am waking up satisfied knowing what I am doing is my choice and I am in charge of my inner feeling.